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You’re pregnant with your first baby, excited and a little nervous. You know being a mother is hard, you’ll be more tired than ever before, but you’re sure that you can handle the transition into motherhood just fine. Then, you’re baby is born. You fall in love with his precious little face, tiny hands and feet. He’s perfect.
And then… he won’t sleep. He cries all the time and you’re not sure why. You realize in short order that you have no idea what your doing. It’s humbling to say the least.
You struggle getting through every day without an emotional break down. You just need some rest, then you’ll be fine, right?
Those other mom’s out there, they must have easier babies than you do. How can they be so happy and their kids so well behaved. Why do they look so well rested? And they had the time to make themselves look presentable? How do they do it?
If you read all that and can relate, then this post is for you. This is exactly how I felt as a new mom, and guess what??? All those other moms you’re in awe and slightly jealous of, they’ve been through it, too. Embracing motherhood is a choice, it requires work and a shifted mindset. But if you want to raise your children with love, then it’s a change you must make not just for them, but for you’re own peace and joy.
Embracing motherhood through the refiner’s fire
I’m sure you’ve seen those cheesy quotes on social media. You know, the ones that talk about how not just a child is born but a mother as well?
Well, there’s some truth to that. Once you become a mother, you will never be that woman you were before again. Either you can choose to become a better woman or a worse one. That power lies in you.
Change is always hard, but in becoming a mother you are changing from a “me first” perspective to a “child first” perspective. Of course, if you’re married your spouse will come first before yourself. But your husband is toilet trained, can eat food off a plate, and is overall self sufficient. He will survive even if you don’t get around to making dinner one night.
A baby on the other hand is completely dependent on you and your husband for his survival. He can’t eat on his own, sit on his own, wipe his own bottom, the list goes on and on. He will need you, or another adult, every moment of the day and night to make sure he is safe and healthy.
This is the type of self sacrifice that will teach you who you really are
And from there, who you want to become. Having a child highlights all of your flaws, all your selfishness and idleness. Every imperfection is laid bare.
It is hard.
But here’s the most amazing part. By highlighting those flaws, you can choose to overcome them, little by little. One baby step at a time. And if you do choose the path of improvement, you’ll become a better mother, wife, woman. By embracing motherhood you will become more than you ever thought possible.
Becoming a mother is the most rewarding challenge a woman can go through.
It get’s easier
Sorry if I scared you with the first section! It’s just so important for us moms to know that we are not alone in our struggles. I promise it gets so much easier.
First off, your baby won’t be a baby for long. Even for those whose kids refuse to sleep through the night until they are 1+ year old, it still goes by way too fast. Before you know it your baby will be entertaining himself with toys, Tupperware’s, a shoe someone left where the baby could get it… (does anyone else have babies who just love to steal shoes and chew on them? Gross, I know.)
Then before long they’re running around, trying to discover their mortality in every way imaginable. 😂 Thankfully the good Lord made toddlers very hardy.
You will be able to sleep again.
And when that day comes you’ll think, “Oh, that wasn’t so bad, let’s have another one.” Guilty… 😁
For every new mother and father out there, I highly recommend the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. I was given this book by a lady at my church whose kids had grown well past the baby stage. Unfortunately it sat on my shelf for months until I reached a point of utter desperation. Embracing motherhood is kinda hard when you haven’t slept more than a couple of hours a day for months on end.
This book is not a magic sleep fixer book. It simply teaches you the sleep requirements babies need, the nap routines babies will fall into at various stages of their development, what to look for to know when your baby needs to rest, and strategies to help you get your baby sleeping better. It was a life saver for me, I can’t recommend it enough.
Embracing motherhood for a love filled home
No child deserves to feel unwanted or unloved. No child should feel like his whole existence is nothing but a burden to his parents.
None of us will be perfect mothers. We all will have times when we are annoyed with our kids, impatient with them, or simply unkind. It happens, again the refiner’s fire. It’s glaringly obvious during the initial change into motherhood, but it never ends. You have a choice everyday to become better.
What you absolutely don’t want to happen is for your kids to grow up resenting you because they felt they weren’t wanted. Your child did not ask to be born into your family. It wasn’t his choice to be there, so, you need to prove to him that he exists because of the love you share with your husband. That he was loved and wanted long before he was conceived.
Prioritize your kids over your own wants and ambitions.
That doesn’t mean you give up on all your dreams. They might take longer to accomplish or may need to be put on hold for a bit, but your family should be your first priority over any ambition you have.
It can be hard to push these to the side. You won’t have as much time to yourself as you did before becoming a mother and it’s tempting to resent your kids for “getting in your way”.
To fight that temptation it is important to set aside some time every day where you can enjoy some quiet time. Use that time to bolster your creativity and love of learning.
This time can be early in the morning before the kids wake up, during the afternoon when the baby is taking a nap and the older kids are entertaining themselves, or it can be before bed. I love listening to a podcast while cleaning up at the end of the day. Gives me some time to listen to adult conversation so that I don’t totally forget proper English 😂
You still have time to pursue your interests and develop your talents and skills. In fact you should continue to learn and create. But embracing motherhood means prioritizing your family’s needs first, fitting your desires around that.
Embracing Motherhood for peace and joy
No family is perfect and no family will have peace and joy all the time. But with some mind shifts and dedication, it will get better and better.
You are a mother. Nothing can change that. It’s up to you to decide what kind of mother you will be. It is hard, probably the most challenging task any woman will experience. But it’s also the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do.
Acknowledge your weaknesses and work on them. Be patient with your child and yourself as you go on this journey together. And most importantly forget yourself. I never understood that verse, Matthew 10:39, until years into my motherhood journey. But it’s true.
By forgetting myself and putting my kids first (the kids God has entrusted to me), I have found my greatest joys and passions. I’ve learned more about myself, the person God knew I could be, because of my children.
You can do this mama! I know you can and so does He 💕
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